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[05 Jul 2005|11:10am] |
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it hit me yesterday that 27th august i would find out my results... and ultimately this is a life changing thing.... i hope i do well.. if i dont get into college :S wtf am i guna do!! lets hope it doesnt get to that.
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| hmm |
[03 Jul 2005|03:01pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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none |
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My mum is in a mood with me again.
i just cant stand her mood swings and i just want to get out of the house!! recently i hate being in there if other people are there too!! i just want to be alone.
but i cant BE alone if they ground me ... treatin me like im 10 !! what is the point? i can just run straight out of the door! their verbal binding doesnt create padlocks and bars.
but i see no point in rebelling any more... i think the truth should be said.. then seen as lying gets you nowhere, i may be treated with adult respect instead of being locked up in chains because my parents are strict as.
i recently feel really drained aswel... i just want to sleep..and sleep some more.
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| Fuck me |
[22 Jun 2005|02:51pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Head On Collision - New Found Glory |
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Hard and slow :|
lol i need to sort my dirty mind out... nahh i kinda like it :D lol
rite well seems like i forgot aba this L.J :P lol but i have found thee agen so im guna (try) n rite in this!! woo
Lads... as always are on my mind... they are .. FUCKERS. yep. dats the perfect word. We hate em... but somehow love em?? wats that about? So yeah, theres this lad hu i was obsessed about but he liked uva ppol n once i realised it was never guna happen i got over him like THAT *click* but i luv talkin to him! he's jus great, but the thing is.. its like im rewinding bac.. he's acting like he did wen he liked me and he RANG ME which he hasnt done since we wer like.. gettin it oooonnnn, lol or so to speak. so i feel so confused... bcoz now im over him... hes starting to like me again, but altho i rele like him, i dont wana go down that road again into LOVING him bcoz he mite jus do the same again and then ill be bac 2 wer i was a few weeks ago... crying over him :| n i dont wana cry over lads again !! theyr not worth it!! whatsoever
but the thing is.. i rele wantd to be with someone, like to love n all that bizness... bcoz ive been single for nearly 5 months.. n after that relationship (if u can call 2 wasted months of my life a relationship) went down the drain i just wanted 2 b single n free n have fun!! but now i think ive had enough fun.. or the fun isnt fun anymore, and i dont wana go to the next leevl n start sleepin around bcoz then il NEVER get a boyfriend.. bcoz ppol will use me, think im cheap and baisically think im easy to get in2, so id just b ther "for a gd time"
i know im only 16... and i have my whole life ahead of me for settling down.. but it would be nice to have someone there... someone who loves you. else yal just end up feelin depressed and unloved...
Times like these call for the best friends a girl could have! Laura n Dani.. even though theyr not reading this bcoz no-ones reading this (mooowhahaha) i wana just say how much i love these two, n no matter how many times we fall out over stupid things, i will ALWAYS love u 2.. more than nethin... or ANYONE... no lads or family could compare, bcoz ur the ones that are there, the ones that make me smile. N i am soooooooooooooooooooo grateful i have u both.
yeah... im done lol.
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| Its been a long time |
[29 Mar 2005|12:33pm] |
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mood |
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wow .... L.J.... how i have missed thee.
But i am back! Less creative than ever before, but its somewhere to write down all my feelings without scaring my friends too much with all the emotions...seen as i never share anything with anyone apart from on the odd occation where my feelings are too strong and they have to pop out because i cant hold them in any longer.
Like yesterday with the bleedin ref in the Rugby match against Bradford! GRRRRR! he needed a good kick up the arse, but im over that one now!
I found out yesterday that my ex is seeing someone new... im friends with the girl and she's lovely...and i definetely dont like him anymore, so i should be happy for them really... but i just think its the thought that HE moved on first you know? and i always have to be better than everyone else.... and i duno... i just guess i wanted him to still pine after me or something :S ahhh i dont know. And i want to be friends with him, cuz he's a great guy! i mean i wouldn't have ever liked him if he wasn't a truly great person to be with! but it seems he doesnt want that and he wants to move on. This exact problem was in a magazine i was reading last night, and the writer said you shouldnt try if he doesnt want it, and you should forget about him and move on like he has done because it will only make you get over him slower....and i was thinking...well i am over him... but am i? am i really? i dont think so.
And then i find out this guy i like doesnt actually like me although he said he did.... and that just made me upset because he says all these things and hes in love with someone else...who ALSO happens to be a friend of mine... then we argued because she said she couldnt help it, and i wasnt blaming her she got the wrong end of the stick... but if i think about choices... id rather have her as a friend millions more.
Its kind of really annoying me i have no-one. i seem to have millions of male friends, but theres no-one that i am closer with.... theres like no potential if you get me... but i am known as being a laugh and like a lad anyways, so people just probably dont see me in that light.... ahhh who cares? why am i moaning. i should just enjoy being single n have fun!!
but... thats what i do...and its no fun anymore.
Ahhhh the woes of my love life....well non existant love life should i say.
See i told you this was a place to moan!! Now i dont have to put my friends through agony... because i know they wont care! haha, i wouldnt.
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